Crossroads

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you

Never had those long conversations that kept us wake till dawn

Never known what it was like to be the first you spoke to in the morning

And the last to bid good night

That familiarity of looking at my wrist always uncannily on time

When a weary ‘I just got back’ were words I longed to see

Longed to hear.

They tested my patience, my very strength not to be consumed by your absence

And absence was the one constant.

I wish I had the guts to delete your childhood picture

The one you swore me to secrecy with

I wish you were not my benchmark

The intensity with which I know I can love

I wish I could see how wrong you would be for me

When you treat her that way, I imagine it would be different if it were us

A foolish notion. But I’m entitled to dream.

I enjoyed seeing you in pain.

I enjoyed the confusion and the quizzical glances

When he put his arm around me and kissed my head

I saw you watching and I stared right back

It echoed everything I felt for you once

It cut like a knife when you hugged her right in front of me

Blocking the door so I had no choice but to watch

We knew

We walked away

We never looked back

But I wrote

And herewith shall it rest.

For,

Love beckons me,

And this time I will acknowledge.